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  • Baywatch

    Baywatch

    I was pretty drunk for this. 
    And yet. 
    Not drunk enough. 


    I welcome death.

  • The Keepers

    The Keepers

    ★★★★

    Makes SPOTLIGHT look like an episode of Sesame Street.

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  • The Parent Trap

    The Parent Trap

    ★★★★

    Here's the thing: this movie is ABSURD. Let's start at the beginning.

    -Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson (Nick and Elizabeth) meet on a cruise ship and get married after only a few days because common sense.
    -It seems that Elizabeth moves from her hometown of London, England, to Napa, California to be with Nick. Sure, whatever, Napa is cool. Wine and stuff.
    -They are married for an unspecified length of time and then have twin girls named Hallie and Annie…

  • Their Finest

    Their Finest

    ★★★

    They said "Dunkirk" so often, I half expected Christopher Nolan to show up like, "Um, excuse me."