Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi ★★★★★



ALTERNATE OPENING: Much stronger than what we got, I think. An original take on the 'it has to start in space' rule and also establishes Finn, Poe and Leia right away rather than making the opening all about Poe. The big shit zoom down from space to the Resistance base is one of my most hated parts of the film and this scene completely chucks that in the bin. Only black mark against the alternate opening is Poe slagging off The Jacket and coming across as a prick?? I like to think the whole opening was thrown out based off that one comment.

PAIGE'S GUN JAMS: Probably should have been in the film because Paige is a really cool character (in theory I guess) and I like big hefty WWII artillery props like the Death Star turbolaser cannons in A New Hope

LUKE IN MOURNING: A great performance from Mark Hamill, but I can kinda see why it was cut. To go straight from this to the infamous milking scene wouldn't so much be tonal whiplash as tonal decapitation. And I would rather have the milking scene.

THE CARETAKERS SIZE UP REY: You get to hear Luke speak a made-up alien language to one of the caretakers. It's cute.

REY'S GOODBYE: tumblr coffee shop AU slashfiction shite

NOT MUCH OF A SEWER: I would prefer not to dwell on the shaky logistics of the capital ship chase thank you

REY AND THE RAIDERS (REYDERS): The 'faster, more intense' dialogue is absolute prequel-level horrendousness but I enjoyed the punchline. R2-D2 and Chewbacca deserved more screentime and this scene gives it to them. Was this intended to be the final scene before Rey left to go meet Kylo? It does a good job of deepening Rey's frustrations with Luke.

EXTENDED FATHIER CHASE: If this had been in the film I would absolutely be in the 'mmdudurudrfggrrr what is point of casino planet???' camp. Absolute torture. I thought it was never going to end. There is a shot of Rose staring at an alien's bare arse.

SUPREMACY INFILTRATION: Probably the least tense sneaking sequence I've ever seen. Daniel Craig appears to be playing his character from Logan Lucky? Is this the first canon arse-grab in the Star Wars saga?

ROSE BITES GENERAL HUX: ????????????????????????????

ROSE AND FINN GO TO WHERE THEY BELONG: This scene only serves to make me realise that Finn doesn't have The Jacket any more. Saddest character death in The Last Jedi.

ORIGINAL PHASMA FIGHT: Probably the most anime thing that's ever been shot for a Star Wars film. I want to hear Phasma say "It's high noon"

REY & CHEWIE IN THE FALCON: Completely undoes the catharsis of the Falcon getting a triple kill later on in the same scene but I always like shots of Chewie wearing his Xbox Live headset and looking like he's about to log on for a Call of Duty Black Ops sesh

THE CREATURES OF CANTO BIGHT: The Director and the Jedi shows us that most of the casino extras were confused English pensioners and that made me love Canto Bight even more. If the film had just been 2 hours 20 mins of these shots I would be fine with that.

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