Creep in a T-Shirt
Creep in a T-Shirt

Creep in a T-Shirt

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  • Bird Box

    Bird Box

    ★★½

    Bird Box is a series of images compiled into an mp4 file commonly known as a movie, starring famed Hollywood actress "Sandro Buttplugs" as she navigates a treacherous river blindfolded. In this extremely meta-Netflix Original, the journey down the river is a metaphor for the film's editor, who was given nothing besides a small boat, a blindfold, and a bad case of the heebeegeebees with which to edit this movie.

    I think I counted about 2-5 other movies in here…

  • The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built is a serial killing spree that took place in unincorporated King County Washington during the seventies and eighties. Endorsed by PETA (I am not kidding) and produced by PBS Kids in conjunction with the Hallmark Channel as part of their Seasonal Countdown to Christmas program, viewers permanently commit to a nonverbal, unwritten, legally binding agreement, with no prior notice, to be strangled (repeatedly if necessary) until dead at the completion of the film, and added…

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  • Peppermint

    Peppermint

    ½

    Hello class, and welcome to "Film Criticism and Analysis 101". I am your instructor, an elderly blind man who can only get erect looking at pictures of old lady’s used retainers.

    Today we will be breaking down the structure and key elements of the classic Griffith film: "Jennifer Garner shoots Mexicans while you watch and cry".

    "Jennifer Garner shoots Mexicans while you watch and cry" is a 2018 film starring Angelina Jolie as Jennifer Aniston. We know Sandra Bullock is…

  • Tragedy Girls

    Tragedy Girls

    ½

    Editors note: If you would prefer to just hear my thoughts on this movie and would like to skip my epic tale of triumph, failure, forbidden love, deceit, and murder in a seedy Hollywood setting, please scroll down to the dotted line. But trust me, you are missing out on some truly life changing storytelling.

    Watching this movie is a lot like being a lower class family on the Titanic in two ways.

    The first being that I am a…