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  • Home Alone

    Home Alone

    ★★

    God, Macaulay Culkin is cute. Like he could be a grownup Anne Geddes model, trying on a bad-boy image with this hyper-violent and angry Christmas movie. He’s expressive and hammy and says the gosh-darndest things. Most of this movie is a series of situations built around Macaulay doing something cute. Everything else in his universe is awful. His family legitimately sucks across the board. His Uncle should be barred from their house. With the exception of the creepy-old-man-that-turns-out-to-be-nice, everyone he…

  • Die Hard

    Die Hard

    ★★★★★

    I feel like this is an objectively great movie. Damn near everything works and the escalation of tension throughout is worth study. John McClane is a hero’s hero, striking the balance of plausibility while performing acts of cartoonish intrepidity complete with witty banter. Even after all these years, with all the parodies and impressions, the big lines still land hard because the context they come with make them so much more. 

    I could go on, I mean there’s Hans Gruber,…

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  • John Wick

    John Wick

    ★★★½

    Crazy action with minimal story. It plays out like the ultimate badass fantasy of a 13 year old boy that plays too many video games. It's entertaining but lacks the fun of Shoot 'Em Up by taking itself too seriously.

  • The Matrix

    The Matrix

    ★★★★

    This one hasn't aged very well. The ideas and concepts are still engaging but man the dialogue is Star-Wars-prequel-bad in many places. Lots of awkward exposition and just flat performances. Trinity appears to be on quaaludes most of the time. I couldn't wait for most of the peripheral characters to be killed. Sorry if that spoiled anything for you but the movie gets better from there.
    The special effects are still cool but even there, a lot of rough matte…