Southland Tales

Here is a definitive ranking of the top 10 actual lines of dialogue spoken in this real life movie that was written by a person, financed by a studio, and featured multiple major movie stars.

(Spoilers ahead but this film is impossible to spoil)

10. "Nothing an eight ball, a porn star and a tattoo parlor can't handle."
Would be the standout line in any other film but feels weirdly average, sufficiently weird though.

9. "You want to fuck or watch a movie?"
Any cinephile knows the answer to this.

8. "I have a question for the Supreme Court. What happens when a woman has sex on a flight from London to Los Angeles, then takes the morning-after pill while flying across the time zone?"
This is not the first instance of the film tackling feminist themes but it’s certianly the least on brand. Stay tuned for something even more illuminating.

7."We're going to take the ATM machine with us to Mexico."
This is something the character in the film actually attempt, it doesn’t go well.

6."His fucking dick was 200 inches long!"
Yes it's funny and weird and disturbing and said by Amy Pohler in witch makeup, but it gets better than that.

5."I'm a pimp. And pimps don't commit suicide."
Said by Dwayne Johnson after he discovers the secret of time travel.

4."You know what, I like to get fucked, I like to get fucked hard. Okay, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, violence is a big problem in our society today and I will not support it. That is the primary reason why I won't do anal."
Said by a porn star giving a reality tv show interview. And she kinda has a point.

3. "Did I just see two cars porking each other?"
Yes, there is a sequence of two cartoon cars having intercourse.

2.""Teen horniness is not a crime"? I never said it was..."
This is said by a presidential candidate and you know what? It should be.

1."If you don't let me suck your dick, I'm going to kill myself."
This is the funniest line in any movie ever (given the context) and is the only reason this film isn’t a half star.

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