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  • War Horse

    War Horse


    A movie about how Jeremy Irvine really, REALLY wants to fuck that horse, and nothing else. Exactly +1 star for every good half hour this movie has and -1 for each shitty one; a really decent back 50 minutes following a laborious hour and 40 minutes of pure suckage. Spielberg isn't very good anymore, dudes - and even when his films are half tolerable now he still forgets how to actually craft good characters or a story that isn't either…

  • Countdown



    2019 Ranked

    Why do the domesticated PG-13 horror movie throwaways get all the clever concepts? Needless to say that my main problem with this - as with most of these - was that it was too damn tame. If you're going to attempt to make Final Destination meets Truth or Dare through a phone app then by God at least have the decency to show more than THREE visible deaths and use more to replace much of this stock, hokey…

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