To paraphrase Bill Hicks, after watching five minutes of this movie I began to pray for nuclear holocaust.
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I don't even know how to watch movies like this anymore. I assume this script is what happens when you decide to make a small character film that requires tens of millions of dollars' worth of special effects. I kept thinking about the Bruce Willis and Julia Roberts movie at the end of The Player.
I've come up with one scenario where this film isn't aggressively stupid. You know how the entire script is built around the idea that Sandra…