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  • The Hills Have Eyes

    The Hills Have Eyes

    ★★★

    Mere months after he blew up the Death Star, Luke Skywalker was going on a wholesome, fun-filled trip into the hills with his family.

    Every second I expected him to whine, “But I was gonna go to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!!”

    Better luck next time, Luke. This was even more bland of a knockoff than The Force Awakens. It wasn’t all bad, though—the last twenty minutes or so were spot-on. But shit, it took a long time to get there.

    The hills do be having eyes tho.

  • House of 1000 Corpses

    House of 1000 Corpses

    Artless filth. Pure hateful pointlessness. An exercise in how depraved and disgusting the human mind can descend. In terms of horror, this completely missed the point. I wasn’t scared. I was repulsed in every sense of the word. Even the gorehound in me which causes me to even consider watching movies like this was sickened, and not in a fun, American Horror Story way. This is the literal equivalent of watching shit plop out of an asshole.

    I wish I…

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  • The Matrix

    The Matrix

    ★★★★

    This is the shit.

    This has been the shit, this is at present the shit, and this will always and forevermore remain the shit.

  • Paths of Glory

    Paths of Glory

    ★★★★★

    I have no words to describe what I just watched. The convicted soldiers each coming to terms with the painful inevitability of death filled me with a heartbreak I don’t even know how to describe, and as Colonel Dax put it, there are times when I am truly ashamed to be a member of the human race. When people’s lives are bargained and tossed around as pawns in the games of politicians and warlords, when empathy is abandoned for ambition,…