Love Bite ½

Love Bite is a risible British horror-comedy that spectacularly fails to deliver either horror or comedy. Instead this is a woeful stab at the teen sex comedy with knob gags and innuendo that would even make the writers of the classic Confessions... series groan. Ed Speleers leads a cast of annoying twats as they attempt to have sex in their sleepy seaside town of Rainmouth-on-Sea. When the mysterious Juliana (Jessica Szohr) arrives the local virgins soon find themselves the target of a ravenous werewolf.

There are times when this film even manages to make Lesbian Vampire Killers look competent as Speleers and his three dullard mates attempt to pop their cherries. Criminally the werewolf doesn’t even bother to properly show up until the final fifteen minutes meaning you have to sit through a series of excruciatingly unfunny encounters that even most 14-year old boys wouldn’t find amusing. Not only is the attempted humour woefully out of date but the characters are wholly unlikeable as they deliver a constant stream of cheap and obvious sex gags.

Frankly the humour is as desperate as the characters with the film wearing thin within the opening five minutes. The possible romance between Speleers and Szohr lacks any real chemistry, partly because of the offensively bad script and partly down to such wooden performances. Szohr isn’t completely terrible but Speleers is a bland protagonist that is constantly overshadowed by the supporting cast. The only vaguely decent performance in the film is Timothy Spall as a werewolf hunter but even he must be embarrassed by his involvement here.

Love Bite is dreadful in every conceivable way and arguably a new low for the British horror-comedy. Be afraid.

Adam liked this review