The Biscuit Eater

Ever wondered why you rarely hear about The Biscuit Eater, a live action film produced by Disney in the ‘70s? Well wonder no longer as the answer is simple - it’s absolutely awful! In this non-entity of a story, based on the 1940 film of the same name, two young boys attempt to turn a no good egg-sucking, biscuit-eating mutt into a prize-winning bird dog.

The first problem is the unbelievably whiny little brats in the lead roles. Starring a young Johnny Whitaker, fresh from the TV-series Family Affair, as an obnoxious ginger haired git and George Spell as his black friend, the film attempts to be racially inclusive yet is laden by offensive stereotypes. This is particularly true of the gas station owner who seems to have stepped off the set of a 1940s production. However, the whole cast are terrible delivering performances that veer from wooden to hammy whilst spewing out dialogue that often made little sense, even with subtitles turned on.

There was potential here to tell a sweet and simple story about a boy and his relationship with his dog yet The Biscuit Eater manages to even mess this up. Firstly, the kids are never particularly nice to the dog making it hard for you to warm to their relationship whilst the film seems to go out of its way to avoid any remotely dramatic moments. Only a brief scene involving a deliberate egg poisoning causes any sense of tension or peril but even that is resolved with little fuss. It is just too revoltingly wholesome, even for Disney, meaning the results are as bland as they come.

The Biscuit Eater is one of the worst Disney films I have had the misfortune of watching and is rightly forgotten.