Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead ★½

This could’ve been a cool Payday 2 level, or even a really great Sam Raimi movie.

As a fan of zombie movies, heist movies and even some Snyder movies, I was expecting to like this a lot more. The plot is a complete rip-off of Aliens, it’s tonally inconsistent, there’s so many setups that don’t pay off, and despite having a massive budget, there were even a few instances of dead pixels on-screen that I found distracting. Whenever I find myself not enjoying a Snyder movie, I tell myself “at least he’s a good visual director”. But that isn’t even true here! For its entire runtime, this felt like it was shot on an iPhone with portrait mode. Everything is so blurry, and that kind of choice makes no sense in this kind of movie. All I wanted was to be immersed in the setting, but I could barely fucking see it!

These were mostly nitpicks and small criticisms of the film, but by far my biggest problem with it was the lack of tension. This plot had the potential to provide some tense moments. The characters have a limited amount of time to get in and get out, all while being slowed down by obstacles along the way. That could’ve been exciting, right? Not really. In reality, the ticking clock and the threat of nuclear annihilation were introduced, but never really felt present. On top of that, how am I supposed to care about it when the characters clearly don’t? Even when they have less than an hour to escape, they’re just standing around talking and slowly loading bags of money. Such wasted potential.

If I can think of any positives, it would be that the vfx team was able to replace an actor without me even noticing. That was pretty impressive. Also, even though most of the characters sucked and their deaths didn’t really matter, there was one death in the middle that genuinely caught me by surprise. That’s all the nice things I have to say about it!

Along with being far too long, having excessive slow-mo and poorly-placed needle drops, this has all the hallmarks of a Snyder movie. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

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