• Sinister 2

    Sinister 2

    ★★★

    Dumb and mean as hell, but I’ve got a soft spot for it. It’s spooky, disturbing, and it’s got likable characters (Ransone and Sossamon are great)!

  • Saw IV

    Saw IV

    ★★½

    This has gotta be the most brutal one. Jesus Christ, your honor! Hoffman is the man, though!

  • Last Night in Soho

    Last Night in Soho

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Just wait until Eloise has visions showing her how problematic her favorite musicians are.

  • The Revenant

    The Revenant

    ★★★★½

    “We will not survive if we care for this little bitch, Eddieeeeeee.”

    I genuinely do not understand people who have a negative reaction towards something like this, only to embrace even more pretentious bullshit.

    I always remembered this as the Leo Oscar movie, and his performance (as always) is spectacular. But to focus only on Leo is a disservice to everyone else who suffered alongside him while making this incredibly brutal visual poem. Leo’s conviction is equaled by the selfish…

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★★½

    “Didn’t take ye’ for a readin’ man.”

    One of the ultimate chef’s kiss combinations of talent, aesthetic, and setting.

    That “Executive Producer: Chris Columbus” credit always catches me off guard.

  • Clerks

    Clerks

    ★★★★★

    I’ll never be unable to love this movie even as my relationship with it has evolved over 18 years. God, spending all day working at a convenience/video store with your asshole best friend seemed so much cooler when I was 13 than it does now. And I’m not sure I’ve come around to the Clerks 2 mindset of “Hey, it’s still pretty cool, baby.” And Veronica has only gotten more lovable as I’ve gotten older.

    Dante ends the movie by…

  • The Witch

    The Witch

    ★★★★½

    “Wouldst thou like to live deliciously cool, baby?”

    Well, this has been one A24/Annapurna ass day. Haven’t seen this since the theater, where I liked it but didn’t particularly understand everything because of the old English. That’s part of why I’ve never been quite in the mood to revisit it - it always felt daunting. But I’m glad I finally got around to it, because holy hell is it eerie and disturbing! A really special movie that led to A24…

  • Phantom Thread

    Phantom Thread

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    It’s like if The Sixth Sense wanted you to root for the woman poisoning the little girl. A very romantic movie for fucking psychopaths. Reynolds Woodcock deserves nobody, and Alma deserves Joaquin’s Joker.

    I fucking hate artists.

  • The Tragedy of Macbeth

    The Tragedy of Macbeth

    ★★★★½

    Like everyone else, I learned about Shakespeare in high school. And while I enjoy the man’s work, it will always feel like homework to me. That’s why, despite considering the Coens among my favorite directors and Denzel among my favorite actors, I was struggling to get in the mood for this. Sometimes, you’ve just got to force yourself to watch something you’re not in the mood for. And sometimes, that will pay off handsomely because I absolutely loved this.

    As…

  • Blade

    Blade

    ★★★★

    Blade: “Some ice skaters are always trying to fuck their mothers uphill.”


    Donal Logue (dead): “That’s the coolest motherfucker who ever lived.”

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ★★★★★

    Commentary, baby! And it’s absolutely delightful. Anyone with a crush on Judy Greer (which could be nobody, based on the Internet’s reaction to her performance here, or everybody, based on the Internet’s reaction to her lack of screen time in multiple 2015 summer blockbusters) should listen to this.

    Plus, you get to experience JLC’s famous aversion to watching horror movies.

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    EXTENDED CUT

    I have tried with five reviews, one podcast, and countless tweets to explain exactly how and why this brutal movie makes me so happy. And I never feel like I’ve successfully done that. That’s partially because, when thinking about this movie, especially right after watching it, I just can’t help but enthusiastically shout a bunch of random nonsense. So let me try again. Deep down, it all comes back to Haddonfield. This movie’s king-esque portrayal of of a…