Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales ★★½

Imagine making the fourth best movie in this series so far, marketing it as "the final adventure" and then still setting up a sequel after the credits roll. That would be, heh, that would be crazy! (tearfully hums the theme tune until the heat death of the universe)

The major positive here, aside from Geoffrey Rush reliably having the time of his life, is that Kaya Scodelario is on track to be a major star, but the film is so mercifully uninterested in her bright, brave female lead that she won't have to do the sequels like Keira Knightley did. She's undoubtedly the best player here though.

It may be better and bolshier than On Stranger Tides, but it still lacks for the fiendish invention and ambition of Gore Verbinski's trilogy and stagnates in the same waters as all of the other sequels. Javier Bardem is saddled with an especially poor attempt to replicate the ickyness of Bill Nighy's Davy Jones in Captain Salazar, a lisping, weightless baddy that Bardem doesn't even seem to enjoy playing.

Since making mega-bucks on the fourth film, Johnny Depp has used his Fuck You money to say Fuck You with his choices, over and over again. With going concerns as the Mad Hatter, Grindelwald, The Invisible Man and Guy LaPointe in other franchises, can we just pack it in with Jack Sparrow now?

Read more : my look at the behind-the-scenes battles of each Pirates movie, on Den Of Geek >>