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  • Ready Player One

    Ready Player One

    A pretty spot-on adaptation of the jerk-off motion.

  • Fifty Shades Freed

    Fifty Shades Freed

    ½

    Not a single person in my audience was buying what Jamie Snore-nan was selling, and I loved them for it.

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  • Elle

    Elle

    ★★★★★

    Elle is a Christmas movie.

  • Eraserhead

    Eraserhead

    ★★★★½

    The next time any one of my relatives gets on my case about me not wanting children or my disinterest in monogamy, they'll be getting a blow-by-blow description of Eraserhead.