Bad Boys II

"You ain't seen Bad Boys 2?"

Well not since 2003 Danny, no. And why's that? Because after absolutely loving Bad Boys back in the summer of '95, I found that I fucking hated this sequel. But since I heard that Gabrielle Union's character has got her own TV spin-off these days, LA Finest, I thought I'd best revisit this if I decide to check out an episode or two out of that.

So, do I hate this as much as I did back in the day? 'Fraid so. I also find it incredibly boring which, for a film with this much shit thrown at it, is astounding really. Let's face it, Michael Bay has made just two decent films in his career; the first was Bad Boys and the second was The Rock. So, in other words he had two good years in the mid '90s. Whatever he did with Bad Boys was a fluke that he resolutely failed to recreate here as this is as bad as any other piece of shit he's since directed. There's no plot to speak of and there's no pacing to this sprawling, overlong, edging tantric wank of a movie; it's just populated with huge, explosive action sequences that are all linked together by inane comedic shtick from Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. The charm that both actors possessed when bringing their characters to life in the first film is completely AWOL here and I don't know how that's even possible. Buddy cop movies don't work if your central duo are coming off like a pair of annoying twats.

Bad Boys II is a joyless and bloated, two and a half hour long, deeply tasteless and truly obnoxious, self-indulgent mess that stems seemingly from the mindset of a ritalin-frenzied twelve-year-old with a corpse fetish whose just marathoned Grand Theft Auto and mainlined a shit load of E numbers. Oh and speaking of E, good luck trying to get an erection on Ecstasy.

Woosa!

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