Uuuuggggghhhhhh max cheese, no heart.
This movie is the epitome of "cinema bros say this is good, I will lose my film buff card if I rate this low, so, I guess, 5 stars". Seriously, if a film is not enjoyable to you and is pointless dribble for 2 hours and 41 minutes, you are under no obligation to rate it well. If it is pretentious shit, rate it like pretentious shit.
Stalker bothered and bored me so much that I am struggling to even care about writing a review. Some cool camera work, though. So, I guess, good job Tarkovsky?