• A Hard Day's Night

    A Hard Day's Night

    Why doesn't Pitbull get his own movie, Imagine it, Mr. Worldwide starring in his own feature-length movie. It would be the greatest thing ever. Maybe The Duke can cameo. Oh jeez, that would be swell.

    Yet, Pitbull doesn't have a movie, but, The Beetles have multiple.

    Let's compare lyrical complexity.

    the Beagles
    Why don't we do it in the road?
    Why don't we do it in the road?
    Why don't we do it in the road?
    Why don't we do…

  • Satantango

    Satantango

    You could watch Marmaduke nearly five times during the runtime of this movie.

    You know what I would do!



    (This review has been rated 'Kino Funny' by the Rupert Pupkin Board of Comedic Excellence for pointing out that Satantango is a long movie. Since nobody has ever joked about Satantango's length before, the board sees it fit to give this review the award. Good show!)

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    What's the point in this film, we already know who would win!

    Obviously, the BIG DAWG would wipe the floor with these nerds.
    Can Godzilla shred?
    Fuck no!

    Why is the Duke not in this film?

    Are they scared?
    Are they keeping him for the sequel?

    I just want to see The Duke crush these nerds like he crushed Bosco's totalitarian leadership at the High School for Dogs.

    Is that so much to ask for?

  • 8½

    I bet you Tom Dey is going through this exact situation at the moment.

  • Band of Outsiders

    Band of Outsiders

    Sure, when the characters in this film run through the Louvre it's cool and part of cinema history.

    But when I run through McDonald's Big Mac Museum, I have to pay damages and do community service.

    Due to this, I'm in a rough spot financially at the moment so I would appreciate any help.

    This is the link to my Gofundme: bit.ly/2PLZoCe

    Thank You!

  • The Seventh Seal

    The Seventh Seal

    You think beating Death at Chess is hard!

    Try beating The Duke at DDR!

    Impossible, I do say!

  • Network

    Network

    If you're that concerned about ratings just show Marmaduke 24/7. His teachings will inspire the nation.

    God, these people are amateurs!

  • Zapruder Film

    Zapruder Film

    One of the most overrated films ever made!

    All my fellow cinephiles know that the Orville Nix footage has more of a cinematic bent to it.

    If you think the Zapruder film is the pinnacle of the JFK assassination footage, you are obviously not a true connoisseur of the arts.

  • Life and Death

    Life and Death

    Needs more BIG DAWG but a decent effort nevertheless.

  • Stroszek

    Stroszek

    Life is nothing more than a dancing BIG DAWG!

    ...and that's okay with me!

  • Head

    Head

    Suggested options for making a spin-off film for your band/TV show.

    A - Make a film suited to the band's existing audience that's quite simple and shows off each of the band member's personalities.

    B - Take a shit ton of Acid and make a nonsensical, mindfuck, shitpost of a movie written by a pre-fame Jack Nicholson. The film will be plotless and make little to no sense to the band's core audience.

    If you haven't guessed it yet, The Monkees went for option B.

  • Climax

    Climax

    Who knew that the process of cutting mad shapes could go so wrong!