Sye Raa Narasimha Reddy

There are two things about this movie that you're going to find hard to believe.

1) That's not Christian Bale. I mean... it is tho, isn't it? I know they're saying it's some Swedish guy but he's uncredited so you know what, it probably is Christian Bale.

2) Megastar Chiranjeevi is SIXTY FOUR YEARS OLD. Tom Cruise looks about twenty years older than him. Never have I been so pleased with my Indian genes.

Here's something I've decided you can't find hard to believe: the plot of this movie. You know what? History is written by the victors, right? And the British "won" and held India until 1947 and got to write a hell of a lot of history in that time. So, you know, people want to say stuff like "well, it wasn't really like that" and refer to a bunch of history written by colonisers.

If a people decide to write their own history, it *is* their history. So here's the deal:

FACT: Narasimha Reddy was the most charismatic man who ever lived.

FACT: He could hold his breath for... hours or something. It's not completely clear, but it's extremely important.

FACT: Narasimha Reddy once threw a British soldier into the ground so hard it caused shockwaves.

FACT: the British officer who watched that happen would burn his own horse to death because it liked Narasimha Reddy more than him, and that would be like the 12th least evil thing he'd do that afternoon.

I COULD GO ON. I desperately want to spoil the incredible ending of this movie but I'm not because you owe it to yourself to watch it. This is my fucking jam: a resolutely anti-colonialist work with all the action and melodrama you could ever want. It's Braveheart turned up to eleven: the British perform a level of pointless cruelty that would make Christopher Columbus go "well that's a bit much" and has a moment in the middle of a huge battle that I arguably found more rousing than any similar moment in an Avengers movie (and that's without 27-odd movies worth of build up, even). Sure, it all ends in tragedy, but the tension of if the main antagonist (Father John Misty) will at least get his come-uppance or not is sublime. SUBLIME.

If you don't like this movie look in the mirror. You're either going to see a pasty-ass coloniser or an apologist.

For the rest of us: We march on Buckingham Palace at dawn. We take no prisoners.

Mathew liked these reviews