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  • There Will Be Blood

    There Will Be Blood

    ★★★★★

    Paul Dano putting Daniel Day-Lewis on his knees and slapping him silly while yelping about sin is my kink.

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  • Aladdin

    Aladdin

    ★★½

    None of these remakes are necessary in any capacity, but it's a fun exercise in nostalgia.

  • Trolls World Tour

    Trolls World Tour

    ★★

    Did I only watch this movie to hear 30 seconds of the McElroy brothers? Yes.

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  • Fantastic Four

    Fantastic Four

    ½

    To [watch Fantastic Four] is to suffer. To survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.
                          - Friedrich Nietzsche

    May our collective suffering through this movie serve as penance for our wrongdoings & pave the road toward a future with a good Fantastic Four movie.

  • Howl's Moving Castle

    Howl's Moving Castle

    ★★★★

    Howl’s the kind of dude who listens to American Football while bathing in his own melodramatic self-loathing.