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  • Justice League

    Justice League

    ★½

    If you like looking at Gal Gadot's behind, Justice League is the best movie of 2017. It's like they attached a custom made steadycam rig to her bottom. Going to be a huge hit with 13 year old boys going through puberty. Not sure that's enough to make it break even on a $300m budget but hey ho.

    It's atrocious BTW. Could $300m not pay for some extras? At one point the entire population of Metropolis appears to be two…

  • Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok

    ★★

    This ran out of steam for me after about 20mins. It's relentless plastic CGI candy floss. Half the film just looks like animated Warhammer board game box art.

    I don't get how it's got such ecstatic reviews when Valerian gots such crummy ones. Valerian was a much better movie as far as I'm concerned.

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  • Battleship

    Battleship

    Made me wish a comet would fall from the sky and obliterate the world. A species that spends $200m on this SHITE deserves to become extinct

  • Eden Lake

    Eden Lake

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Despite the fact that this film is very well made and acted, I can't think of a British horror film I detest more from the last few years (I haven't seen Zombie Women of Satan). My reason for loathing it is purely political, I don't think I can think of a film that demonises the working class so completely. Every single working class person in the film is a scumbag. This is a bullshit middle class nightmare, and it's no wonder the Daily Mail gave it a five star review.