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  • Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    Kingsman: The Golden Circle

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    If Matthew Vaughn’s intent was to stay as far away from Trump references as possible, then he failed because the stock president is a careless white man who doesn’t give two shits about his First Lady, binge-watches Fox News to oblivion and is eventually impeached in a flash.









    And while you’re still here, the CG in this film goes as far as a plot point in which Eggsy has to shag to save the world or something, and uses a…

  • The Meyerowitz Stories

    The Meyerowitz Stories

    ★★★★

    HAROLD: I met Sigourney Weaver who was very friendly. She said, "Hi, I'm Sigourney." I said, "Hi, I'm Harold."
    DANNY:


    HAROLD: I met Sigourney Weaver. We chatted. She said to me, "My name is Sigourney." I said, "My name is Harold."
    MATTHEW:


    ME: Here's a photo I took of Noah Baumbach, Emma Thompson, Adam Sandler and Dustin Hoffman. Emma was perfect in the Q&A.
    INTERNET:

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  • My Life as a Zucchini

    My Life as a Zucchini

    ★★★★★

    When you ask an American where babies come from:
    "Babies come from a factory and storks deliver them. And their hair is dyed like the rainbow before delivery!"

    When you ask a Frenchman where babies come from:
    "Exploding willies."

    This movie is a miracle.

  • The Secret Life of Pets

    The Secret Life of Pets

    ★★½

    Fear not, parents, your children will get to watch CG, anthropomorphic sausages this year after all.