Conan the Barbarian ★★★½

"So, Arnie wanna try this this called acting?"

"Ja! Sure, what do I have to do"

"Mainly, it's looking blankly into the middle distance. Reckon you could manage that?"

" "


"Oh, yeah, sure whatever"

I had pretty low expectations of this going in assuming that it would be like an action film with less clothes. Turns out it was pretty good. The passing of time with boy pushing a pointless giant frame around circles until he's a giant, buff savage with great hair is a wonderful moment of cinema.

It all rattled on in jolly fashion, and picked up with his great sidekicks - especially Sandahl Bergman who looked great and was I imagine a pretty stand out strong female lead for the time.

The pacing seemed very up and down though - and the music veered from great to awful in the same way and some fascinating scenes like the demons fighting over Conan where balanced by a lame one where Big Hammer guy smashed up the giant snake shaft and bonked his buddy on the head? I'm not qualified to unpack that one.

I don't need to Contemplate this one on the Tree of Woe.