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  • The Day the Earth Froze

    The Day the Earth Froze

    ★★★★

    My Finnish grandmother died of cancer far too young a couple of years before I was born. She is transcendently beloved for my older siblings. She is so very alive in their hearts and memory. I have never had a presence like that in my life, and as a child I leapt at any bit of her memory anyone described.

    My Finnish great-grandmother, also beloved, died of the same cancer within weeks of my grandmother.

    I would hear little things…

  • The Lake House

    The Lake House

    ★★★★★

    The Lake House Drinking Game

    Sip:
    1) Keanu talks to an inanimate object
    2) Unnecessarily dramatic camera angle
    3) Sandra wears capris
    4) Keanu wears a blazer over a t-shirt/hoodie/turtleneck
    5) Anyone wears a turtleneck
    6) You recognize an outfit you wore in 2006
    7) They sit/stand/walk in the same spot the other has just been
    8) Keanu is earnest*

    Gulp/Finish the Drink:
    1) Keanu cries
    2) Someone says, "It's about waiting."

    *only if you want to get drunk

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  • Godless

    Godless

    I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS ENTIRE THING I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE. MY HOUSEMATE DEFINITELY JUST HEARD MY SCREAMS.

    The absolute worst case of false advertising I have seen in an age.

    The worst, because Netflix's goddamn trailer played up every single thing to make me think I would love this goddamn thing.

    I turned on Netflix on Thanksgiving morning, because I had a blessed morning off (the first morning off in forever), and a trailer for this Netflix original…

  • A New York Christmas Wedding

    A New York Christmas Wedding

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    When the gay Catholic guardian angel said, "Jennifer, you should know that I am the deceased child of Gabriella and Vincent."

    ---I literally screamed WHATTTTT.