Favorite films

  • Hot Rod
  • Children of Men
  • The Big Lebowski
  • Hereditary

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  • A.I. Artificial Intelligence

  • The Empty Man

    ½

  • Scary Movie 3

    ★★★

  • Lifeforce

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  • The Polar Express

    The Polar Express

    ½

    I'm all over the place on this but this sucked so extravagantly that I have a lot of bases to cover.

    This is yet another Christmas story where Santa is just God, and "believing" is really just about believing in God. That's it. The movie provides no explanation for how believing in Santa makes you a better person living a richer life than those that don't, beyond being able to hear a bell. But, like, that's just the imaginary dinner…

  • Zack Snyder's Justice League

    Zack Snyder's Justice League

    ½

    I was prepared to be surprised by this, and figured that I would probably end up settling at at least a 3 star score, but I absolutely hated this film. It was a tremendous waste of my time, it brought me no joy, and I never want to see this again.

    I generally feel that this was just an extremely extended version of the film I saw in theaters, which did not blow me away, but at least it was…

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  • A.I. Artificial Intelligence

    A.I. Artificial Intelligence

    I saw this in theaters and was absolutely baffled as to why anyone involved did this film, and why Steven Spielberg did this to his dead friend. The high mark was hearing appropriately uproarious preteen laughter from the back of the theater at pretty much every scene from the spinach eating contest onward. On my way out, it turned out it was my younger brother and his friends, whom I did not realize had decided to go see the movie after all. Thank you Steven for bringing us together with your bad film.

  • The Empty Man

    The Empty Man

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Everything that I enjoyed about this was retroactively ruined by that awful "it was all a dream"-style ending. As well, I thought this was reveling in the tropes of cosmic horror but it turns out it was just... doing them. Predictable and clichéd at every turn, and at a certain point I was waiting for a wink that never came. This was done deadly serious, and I'm almost slack-jawed at the audacity.

    I rarely go completely reactionary in my ratings,…

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  • Clerks III

    Clerks III

    it's a shame kevin smith died from a heart attack back in 2018 and never got to make a slew of unwatchable movies for an ever-shrinking niche fanbase

  • As Luck Would Have It

    As Luck Would Have It

    I love that old bald councilman, he's adorable. I hate Discount Kat Dennings from the New York office, she was really trying to milk every second she was onscreen.

    Anyway, that was pretty tedious.

    It's tonally all over the place. The first act of this clearly frames her as both a villain to the town and the patsy of it's pranks. The movie is absolutely rooting against her, which is a big changeup from how these things usually go. But…