• Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre

    I won't even give this a rating, this movie is a fucking disgrace to the franchise, and horror as a whole.

    It has no redeeming features whatsoever.

  • Hellraiser: Revelations

    Hellraiser: Revelations

    I can watch and enjoy a bad movie. In the horror genre, there certainly are a lot of those.

    This however, is utterly awful. There isn't a single redeeming feature in this disaster.

    At a short 75 minutes it is far too long.

  • Dracula 3D

    Dracula 3D

    Dracula would be turning over in his grave if he saw this.

  • The Reckoning

    The Reckoning

    I wanted to like this film so much. Dog Soldiers & The Descent are among my favourite horror films, and I regularly re-watch them.

    Sadly, this movie - while beautifully staged & shot - is a mess. The overall story is ok, but it stumbles in so many ways, and things that seem important are either left unresolved, or just teased without having any effect on the outcome and seem to serve as mere padding.

    In one scene particularly (involving the rack),…

  • Alien

    Alien

    ★★★★★

    There isn't much to say about Alien that hasn't already been said.

    42 years on, and it is still the finest example of sci-fi horror ever put to film. For me, this film does not age - the spectacular special effects are still effective and terrifying to this day.

    The cast does an exceptional job of portraying every day life of a space crew of regular people. They're not soldiers, nor are they super heroes. Their reactions to what happens are very believable.

    An absolute masterpiece of cinema.

  • Wrong Turn

    Wrong Turn

    ★★★½

    When I watched the trailer for this reboot, I felt as I do with most horror reboots - disappointed. However after watching the movie, some of that disappointment went away, and it wasn't a bad movie after all. This definitely qualifies as a reboot rather than a remake, as it only takes the basic premise of the original, but takes it in new directions.

    I won't lie - the start wasn't great. The introduction to the characters quickly shows that…

  • The Car: Road to Revenge

    The Car: Road to Revenge

    The original "The Car" is an enjoyable, supernatural horror. It makes you take some things for granted without explanation, but they're not needed.

    Road to Revenge is as far removed from the original as possible. Awful acting, terrible CGI & bad practical effects, all circling the drain which is clogged with the bad script.

    How was this ever greenlit as an official sequel?

  • Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

    Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Definitely one of the stranger entries in the Friday series (up there with Jason X), which throws a lot of things at the wall to see what sticks.

    Sadly for all the original ideas they had for this entry, it was caught up in an intellectual property & copyright hell. After many rewrites, the final script was written in a week, and it shows.

    Of course the connection to Nightmare on Elm Street was the teaser that everyone took away from…

  • Zombie Flesh Eaters

    Zombie Flesh Eaters

    The overall plot is typical of the 70s & 80s Italian gore movies - in that some scenes are downright silly. Being chased by zombies and you fall down? Let's have a kiss. That sort of thing.

    It doesn't take away from this being an enjoyable zombie flick, with some good cinematography and great Euro-synth music playing at all the right moments. Starting out as a mystery adventure and devolving into survival horror with a voodoo theme, it's a great way…

  • Mortuary

    Mortuary

    ★★

    Mortuary is not a good movie. It is filled with clichéd horror moments, paper cut-out characters and utterly abysmal CGI effects.

    It opens with a decent enough premise - a mother with her two children moves into a home that also serves as a mortuary, built near a cemetery in a small quiet town. Although the mother is supposed to be a novice mortician, her efforts amount to almost slapstick comedy, where any previously built tension is instantly dead & buried.…

  • Sublime

    Sublime

    ★½

    I watched this yesterday and gave it 2 out of 5, but it was bugging me, and I had to adjust my score to 1.5.

    The problem with Sublime is that it doesn't have anywhere near enough substance to carry it for the 113 minute runtime. The moment you work out what is actually happening, it just turns into an exercise of staring at the clock until the end.

    This is a psychological thriller with an interesting premise and set…

  • Pet Sematary II

    Pet Sematary II

    I think all fans would agree that Pet Sematary didn't need a sequel. The connection to the main story (aside from the location) is threadbare, so this could have just as easily been a standalone movie.

    That said, it's a fun (if silly) film, and Clancy Brown steals the show with his performance. Disengage your brain, sit back and enjoy the ride.