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  • Crank

    Crank

    ★★★½

    Crank is absolute trash and doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's glorious nonsensical trash and the scenes with Statham and Amy Smart are hilarious.

  • Cocoon: The Return

    Cocoon: The Return

    ★★

    It's nowhere near as good as the first one, and I didn't think the first one was all that great to start with.

    Cocoon the Return is like two separate films (old folks doing stuff, Steve Guttenberg and his wooden alien friends doing other stuff) which only coincide, in a somewhat forced manner, for the final act.

    The pacing is horrible, there's some dodgy effects and the whole thing is totally unnecessary. Spirited performances by the older cast, and to be fair Guttenberg, are the only positives to take away from this sorry mess.

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  • Bloodsport

    Bloodsport

    ★★★★

    Depending on which of the two types of martial arts movie plot you prefer (fighting your way through a tournament to avenge the death/injury of your friend/relative or learning a new martial arts technique from an old master to avenge the death/injury of your friend/relative) then either this or Kickboxer is Van Damme's best film. Although he should have won two best actor Oscars for Double Impact, obviously.

  • Dawn of the Dead

    Dawn of the Dead

    ★★★½

    I have a dog. He loves going for walks - it's his favourite thing to do. So if I ever find myself on a lovely country stroll without the dog, I feel guilt and shame. That guilt and shame is the same as I felt when I enjoyed the Dawn of the Dead remake. OH GOD I'M SORRY GEORGE.