MettelRay’s review published on Letterboxd:
I'm hereby bringing you my review which is brought to you in a series of messages sent during the viewing of this movie. No explanations. Just facts.
🍑 They are so synced already, orgasming at the same time.
🍆 It's like Twilight mixed with Fifty Shades of Grey.
🍒 Dear Lord, I don't want to look.
🍑 Whatttttttttt!? Why the songs!?
🍆 How long has it been in the movie wise? Like 365 days, how many days has it been? Cause if it's like 4 days and they have sex, why have the other 361 days?
🍒 I'm afraid to make direct contact with the screen. I feel violated.
🍆 She's emotional because she didn't get to s**k her kidnappers d**k?
🍒 Is her hair longer? How long is her hair? It looks different every f******g time.
🍑 Has it been a week? It has definitely not been a month. Not in a million years is this 365 days.
🍆 OH GOD. OH GOD.
🍒 *sex scene on the yacht* This is some quality music video...
🍑 The old dude on the yacht is having a great day.
🍆 Very skilled tango in 2020.
🍒 He had a portrait of her but he didn't know who she was so when he saw her he was like "omg that's my painting, i need to own the woman on the painting just like i own the painting of that woman". SHE'S THE PAINTING!
🍑 *sex scene in the toilet* Again. After the yacht I'm surprised she can still walk.
🍒 Then again it could be four weeks or four months after the yacht because no time exist in this movie. HAS IT BEEN A WEEK? GIVE US A TIMELINE WOMAN. Don't give me d**k details (devil d) just give me the months you've been away woman.
🍆 *double feature montage* Cheap wig.
🍑 Oh dear, that was too close to my face.
🍒 I am losing my sanity yes, set me free indeed.
🍆 She wore THAT dress to a church wedding!?
🍑 At what point did she fall in love. Was it when he was getting a blow "out"? Was it when he choked her in the dressing room?
🍒 You've known him TWO MONTHS!? So why not name the movie 61 days?
🍆 What the f**k! What is that!?
🍑 OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!
🍒 She gone. She gone. Hahahahahaha.
🍆 Did they make a s**t movie into a sequel because fml I don't want this!