Ring ring...Ring ri...
"Hello, Willis residence, alpha male speaking."
"Bruce?! Hi, my name is John! I won a cereal packet competition to direct the new Die Hard movie!"
"The film's set in Moscow and has an incomprehensible plot with barely believable twists! You wanna star?! You get to perform assault and battery and grand theft auto on disgusting johnny foreigners, all within the first few minutes!"
"Sure. Now I'm old I've lost whatever critical faculties I had."
"Done! You can do your lines over the phone now! We'll just CGI you in later!"
"Yippee ki-yay, Mother Russia."