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  • Alien: Covenant

    Alien: Covenant

    ★★

    Oh for Christ’s sake, Ridley. 

    It’s a monster movie. Stop taking it all so fucking seriously. (Or do that a whole lot better.) You have incredible production design, a budget of squillions, a very able cast and a monster so genuinely iconic it still has the potential to shock. And apart from a jump or two, I spent this movie more or less blandly engaged, and never once properly tense or excited. Because you’ve decided it's all about god, or…

  • Transformers: The Last Knight

    Transformers: The Last Knight

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I've never seen one of these all through. But today I took two 12 year-olds to the BFI IMAX for the full 3D spectacular. And it is spectacular. The images are insanely vivid, saturated in colour – and, of course, noise.  It's a string of thunderous fights strung together by (well, hardly that, more like briefly interrupted by) 'narrative' scenes it's often very difficult not to LOL at. 

    Mark Wahlberg is Mark Wahlberg, under the peculiar pseudonym of Wade Yeager.…