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  • Wonder Woman

    Wonder Woman

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I truly don't understand the near universal praise for this. It's simply not a good movie. I, like everyone, was excited to see a superhero movie with a strong female lead, but that's not what I got here. Instead, I got a superhero movie with a gorgeous lead who has apparently suffered some kind of brain trauma. Wonder Woman wanders the world acting like a total idiot: she understands nothing of the modern world, barely asks questions or seeks deeper…

  • A Quiet Place

    A Quiet Place

    ★★

    While watching this, I found myself thinking a lot about the movie Signs. They have a lot of similarities: quiet, moody, on a farm, features children, aliens with a ridiculous weakness. And like A Quiet Place, Signs was met with large critical and audience approval when it was released. Those audiences and critics were wrong. I believe many have come around to agree with me, and the reputation of Signs has (in my estimation) declined over the years. I truly…

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  • Space Jam

    Space Jam

    ★★

    I just accepted this as normal when I was a kid, but it's one of the weirdest things ever. Looney Toons and Michael Jordan is already a bit odd, but it was a time when Jordan was everywhere, so okay. But cartoon aliens? And Bill Murray? What is this?!

  • The World Is Not Enough

    The World Is Not Enough

    ★★½

    The nostalgia is very strong with this one, but it's so much sillier than I remembered. Right out of the gate, Bond is driving a boat through the streets of London, and it only escalates from there. Sophie Marceau as Elektra King is one of my favorite Bond girls, but this also has Denise Richards, universally hailed as one of the worst Bond girls of all time.

    The silliness and Richards' incompetence make for some fun, but it all begins to wear out its welcome toward the end. An extended submarine fight sequence, with all the joys of slowed-down underwater action, doesn't help matters....

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  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★½

    Joe Bob's Dinners of Death (2018)

    At first I thought two leaps out of windows was excessive, but then it occurred to me that it's what every horror movie protagonist should be doing, and if anything there isn't enough window leaping in film.

    This is maybe the only time so far I wish I'd watched a movie without Joe Bob's commentary. I loved his passion and knowledge, but the movie is so intense I wish I'd been able to watch it straight through. It's visceral and feels real, with an edge of total weirdness. I love an armchair with actual arms.

  • Black Christmas

    Black Christmas

    ★★★★

    Joe Bob's Red Christmas (2019)

    Watched twice in two weeks thanks to Joe Bob (and me being dumb enough to think he wouldn't cover it). Loved Joe Bob's sad stories for Christmas, and his irate debunking of Black Christmas myths. I also appreciated the children's choir singing over Lois Lane being stabbed by a glass unicorn.

    Can't agree with Joe Bob's dislike of the ending. I don't think the movie was really a mystery, and thus it doesn't really matter…