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  • Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

    Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

    Don't buy into any of that, black is the new orange, rubbish.
    This is what prison is really like.

    Trust me, I know.
    I did three years of hard time for attempting to steal Manet's Le Déjeuner sur l’herbe from the Musée d'Orsay.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all for artistic license; but in certain situations, verisimilitude is paramount.

  • Howard the Duck

    Howard the Duck

    Confoundingly exhibits two directly opposing forces.

    On the one hand, it's as dumb as that "meaningful" tattoo you got just a few summers ago.

    Simultaneously though, it's just as smart as that Asian kid you use to copy from in math class.

    Is there an Oscar for most perplexing paradox?

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  • Crash

    Crash

    I use to be really racist. But then I saw this movie, and now I'm not racist anymore.
    If you don't wanna be racist, you should watch it too.
    Just make sure you see this movie and not the other Crash by David Cronenberg. That one just makes you really kinky.

  • To Die For

    To Die For

    Once, when I was eighteen, I ate a sandwich too quickly and developed a horrible case of the hiccups. Ridding myself of the condition wasn't usually a problem, but this particular case was troublesome as none of my usual tricks (e.g., eating peanut butter, holding my breath, tiny sips of water) were proving effective.

    Twenty-four hours later, with still no change, I grew worried and sought medical advice. A doctor (probably suspecting my case as psychosomatic) prescribed me some very…