Well, at least there's a bizarre appearance by Brontis Jodorowsky here as an immortal alchemist in goofy old age make-up. Wildly overplotted second entry in the proposed five-film series makes one brilliant move (casting Jude Law as a young Dumbledore and taking us back to Hogwarts for a bit) along with a lot of completely baffling ones.

Eddie Redmayne amps up his cutesy tics even further here, Johnny Depp is still a huge downgrade from Colin Farrell, Katherine Waterston barely…

A raw, screaming art film with a capital A that I deeply enjoyed but would probably never outright recommend to anyone else. Those of us emotionally attached to the Dario Argento film of the same title will have the toughest hill to climb here as Luca Guadagnino doesn't even try to outdo it, veering instead into guilt-ridden, traumatized waters where the only way to survive is either mentally purge your sins or hope someone next to you gets destroyed instead.…