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  • 1313: Haunted Frat

    1313: Haunted Frat

    ★★

    I cannot stop watching these movies. No matter what else I am doing these fucking 1313 movies haunt me. I feel intensely that I need to watch all of them even though they're exactly the same. They're hypnotizingly terrible. I can't look away from the screen even though nothing happens or the same scene is looped endlessly until I start to feel like I'm going insane. 

    Someone help me

  • Lorna, the Exorcist

    Lorna, the Exorcist

    ★★★½

    Film #37 of Shocktober17

    Lorna is the possessor. The "mysterious, irresistible, sorceress from a fantasy novel" Gorgeous, theatrical, dreamy and powerful. Lorna knows what she wants and she will get it, or ruin you trying to. Lorna and her electrifying blue eyeshadow; "this woman wants our destruction".

    Lorna is the mother who desires to be united with the now 18-year old Linda (played by Lina Romay). Lorna with soft orange and brown makeup, dressed in black lace. Visiting in the…

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  • The Devil

    The Devil

    ★★★

    For all of the black magic filled with grime, pus, neon-green vomit, rotting flesh sores, and disgusting amount of snakes, worms, and centipedes, there's at least twice as many scenes of boring relationship drama. Ding Dong, however, is an absolute treat and I don't want to see anymore slander about him in these reviews. He's doing child labor and is constantly getting beat up, I think I would also be an annoying shit in those circumstances! But he's also hilarious…

  • The Brotherhood

    The Brotherhood

    ★★★

    i am spending my night on an early 00s decoteau binge and there is truly nothing better in this entire world. this is like the sweet spot of his filmography before he went full-tilt 1313 no plot just chest rubbing, but still made unmistakably gay horror films. i'm kind of in love with the terrible fashion and hair in this btw. frosted spiky tips is so sexy. also all frat boys are evil this is a true story.

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  • The Last Vampire On Earth

    The Last Vampire On Earth

    ★★★

    Imagine Twilight with the budget of $2 and 10x more emo. Also Bella is a Jehovah's Witness and has AIDS. So it's amazing.

  • Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

    Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

    It's been 5 years since I watched this so I figured I would try again... No, it's still the same edgelord boring bullshit. I'm actually kind of freaked out by interviews of this man where he talked about how the lead actress signed a contract (while on drugs) wherein he could do "anything at his discretion" to her - aka exploit her on film while she was near-death.

    I really just hate everything about this. I can't even pretend to…