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  • Meek's Cutoff

    Meek's Cutoff

    ★★★½

    I have to say, I prefer this remake of Gus Van Sant’s Gerry to the original.

  • Godless

    Godless

    ★★★★★

    Scott Frank is just on another level, apparently.

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  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ½

    Never seen a movie this convinced that it’s really smart when it is, in fact, really fucking stupid. And like, maybe if there was a plot thread, a character, a performance, a fucking moment of this that was engaging in the slightest, I could look past that. But no.

  • The Empire Strikes Back

    The Empire Strikes Back

    ★★★★★

    The following is a hypothetical review, meant to emulate how a certain kind of Star Wars fan would react if this film was released in 2019. Keep in mind none of these opinions are my own. Like, seriously. Not one of them.

    • “I hate these kangaroo horse things, it’s just an excuse to sell toys”
    • “LOL Luke knew exactly when to shoot the torpedo to blow up the Death Star, but doesn’t hear the 10 foot tall yeti…