Jarand

I hate movies so much, jesus christ they make my head hurt.


I write most of my reviews while on the toilet

Favorite films

  • Blade Runner
  • Singin' in the Rain
  • F for Fake
  • Being John Malkovich

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All
  • Blacula

    ★★★

  • The Return of Spinal Tap

    ★★½

  • Bad Day at Black Rock

    ★★★★

  • GoodFellas

    ★★★★★

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  • Predator 2

    Predator 2

    ★★★½

    Just shoot this trashy studio shlock with blackploitation undertones straight into my bloodstream, please. Predator 2 is a grimy, sweaty film that proves how little you can do with the premise of an alien that hunts people for sport. Danny Glover lacks the olympian physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the lead, but he makes up for it by playing a cop so on the edge he out-crazies Garey Busey. 
    Glovers character is perhaps the most unhinged policeman I’ve ever seen…

  • Inland Empire

    Inland Empire

    ★★★½

    Without a doubt David Lynch’s least accessible film, and most certainly a masterpiece of some kind. Shots in small vignettes and cobbled together in editing it is surprisingly coherent given its experimental nature. Laura Dern is truly remarkable here as an actress who struggles to discern reality from fiction as she works on a new film. Eventually she is submerged into a seedy dream world where even the most acute viewer is bound to find moments of confusion. 

    It’s another…

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  • Blacula

    Blacula

    ★★★

    Put this in during a thunderstorm, which added layers of atmosphere I’ve rarely experienced. Delicious stuff. 

    As for Blacula itself, it is a one of a kind film. It inhabits the same sincerity and camp as the creaky old black and white Lugosi interpretation of the character while combining it with a very 70s, low budget sensibility. It’s goofy and cheap, but also creative, socially aware and just insanely funky. As a horror film you pretty much fail the minute…

  • The Return of Spinal Tap

    The Return of Spinal Tap

    ★★½

    When I first realized this was on my blu-ray of This is Spinal Tap I thought it was a fully fledged sequel. Turns out it is a concert documentary interspersed with a few new documentary skit segments. The concert itself is shot well enough, but the stage show recycles the gags from the film, adding hardly anything new and watching the obviously older cast members redo moments from the film on stage just comes off as awkward and obviously choreographed.…

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  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★★★

    Felt nostalgic to see a smaller scaled superhero movie balancing campy fun and seriousy, darker topics. For a moment I felt transported back to early 2000. The movie takes a hit in its final act, but I enjoyed this much more than I was expecting to. The characters remain as engaging as ever.

  • Last Night in Soho

    Last Night in Soho

    ★★★★

    It’s probably time to make a few changes when Edgar Wright’s latest style-exercise feels too personal, but this hit close to home in ways I didn’t necessarily expect. 
    While the film takes a sharp turn into giallo/horror territory in the final act there is a lot of fun stuff going on here. Luckily the script is also fairly strong and takes it time setting up characters and conflicts. We learn to genuinely like Ellie as a person and sympathize with…