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  • The Founder

    The Founder

    ★★★

    If I saw a competitor drowning, I'd shove a hose down his throat.
    -Ray Kroc

    I'm happy that Michael Keaton has been enjoying a career resurgence in the last few years. I'm happy to see him in theaters more often than ever. This though, which isn't actually bad, is probably one of the lesser roles he's played in the last few years. There isn't all that much range in playing Ray Kroc, fast food's original asshole.

    One thing (I'm guessing…

  • It

    It

    ★★★★

    They're gazebos! They're bullshit!
    -Eddie Kaspbrak

    I hope I like whoever they cast as adult Eddie as much as I liked Jack Dylan Grazer as young Eddie.

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy

    ★★★★½

    I am Groot.
    -Groot

    I am Groot. I AM Groot! I'm Groot. I am GROOT? I'm GROOT! I AM GROOT?! I am Groot! I AM Groot. I'm Groot?! I am GROOT! I'm GROOT? I AM GROOT. I am... GROOT!

    I am GROOT. I AM GROOT! I'm GROOT?! I AM Groot? I'm Groot! I am Groot?! I am Groot? I AM Groot?! I'm Groot? I am GROOT?! I'm GROOT. I AM GROOT? I... AM... GROOOOOOOT!

    ************SPOILER WARNING************
    I am Groot.
    ************END OF SPOILERS************

  • Jaws: The Revenge

    Jaws: The Revenge

    ½

    Roar!
    -Shark

    Instead of doing a review I will just point out the crap that inhabits this film.

    - The shark roars like a lion.
    - Mario Van Peebles does a Jamaican accent
    - The shark swims from New York to the Bahamas in less then 3 days.
    - This is the sequel that popularized the tagline "This time it's personal!"
    - African Americans feet apparently look Caucasian under water
    - The god damn shark is hunting one family, even…