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  • Ender's Game

    Ender's Game

    ½

    One of the worst adaptations I've had the misfortune to watch. It looks great but it's been shorn of all emotional and intellectual depth which admittedly is pretty light to begin with as the novel was aimed at 8 to 12 year olds. I'd have rather watched a terrible version that was completely faithful to the source material than this interpretation. I've been dreaming of this as a film since I first read the book aged 9 and I just could not be more disappointed. Read the book.

  • Pacific Rim

    Pacific Rim

    ½

    What makes a B-movie? Bad dialogue, check. Even worse acting, check. Traditional disaster movie plot, check. Small production budget...wait, 180 million dollars? There's a serious disconnect between how poor the movie is and how much money was spent making it look 'good'. You know how the film will end before you start watching it. How is that enjoyable? Why should you care about anyone in the film if you already know what's going to happen? Judge a film on its…

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  • Gravity

    Gravity

    ½

    Proof positive that cinema has the power to induce a kind of space-sickness in viewers. And it's nothing to do with the amazing visuals in this movie. It's a dubious achievement making a film that is so watchable, yet simultaneously asks you to turn it off because of laughably bad dialogue and the Hollywood storyline. Apologists for this movie should feel cheated out of a film that could have contained style and substance.

  • 300

    300

    ½

    I fucking hate Frank Miller and Zack Snyder. Two of the most retrograde morons working in media. "Oh but it looks so good", I hear you say. Shut up, read some history, and use your imagination. Snyder's a slave to technology and big-budget nonsense while Miller's work has devolved into barely disguised neo-conservative schlock. Damnit, this shit makes me so angry. '300' is 'Birth of a Nation' for 21st century idiots.