Green Book

Green Book ½

They’re back on the road, a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken in the front seat next to Lip. He wolfs down a chicken leg as he drives.

This might be the best Kentucky Fried Chicken I ever had. But I guess it’s fresher down here, right?

Dr. Shirley shrugs.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with your appetite.

No, I bought the bucket so you could have some.

I’ve never had fried chicken in my life.

Who you bullshittin’? You people love the fried chicken, the grits, the colored greens...I love it, too. The negro cooks used to make it when I was in the army.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is an excerpt of the screenplay that won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay yesterday night. You can read the whole thing here. You can check for yourself or just trust me, but it basically goes on like this for 116 pages.

Although I felt that Green Book was extremely poorly written from the get-go, I still gave it a 2 ½ rating upon first watching it. I thought, at the time, that it was a pretty inconsequential movie that could have been made 40 years ago. Released 6 months after BlacKkKlansman, it felt so irrelevant, I was sure I would just forget about it despite the 5 Academy Awards nominations it had received at the end of January.

All that changed yesterday night: after winning the Oscar for Best Picture, it is now impossible to forget about Green Book.

So, I changed my rating for Green Book a moment ago. I usually save the ½ rating for movies that are not only bad, but that also make me angry in one form or another. Yesterday’s 3 wins are so abominable – especially the screenplay win – that I am now officially angry about Green Book. This screenplay is a piece of trash. Shame on the Academy for putting the spotlight on this atrocity and, by the same token, ignoring the Favourite, which has, among other qualities, a masterfully written screenplay.

The Academy has made many dubious choices – which I can live with – in the past. But that original screenplay win yesterday night might be, in my humble opinion, the worst choice they’ve ever made. As far as I’m concerned, there has never been a more undeserving winner – in any category – in 91 years. That Oscar made me realize that I had been way too indulgent with my original Green Book rating. After the win, I had to go back and check, and it is truly an eye opening experience. When you take the time to read it, this screenplay is pure garbage. That win is an insult not only to the four other nominees in that category this year, but also to all the talented writers in the world. A movie with such an execrable screenplay totally deserves my new ½ rating.