Alien: Resurrection ★★

“How do you go on living?”

Someone once used the word “preposterous” to describe this movie, and this seems to me like a very apt summary. Everything, everything in Alien: Resurrection – plot, dialogue, music, even camera angles – is weird, messed up, and/or completely over-the-top. We might have disliked action-movie cliches in Aliens, but at least they were Cameron’s cliches. Here, the cliches are all generic, piled on top of one another without rhyme or reason, to the point that you’re no longer sure whether the movie is still taking itself seriously, or is supposed to be a bad satire of some sort.

If there’s anyone who should watch this movie, it’s probably 23AndMe: it must be one awesome cloning procedure that makes you a bad-ass superhuman, your blood an acid, and everything you say ominous one-liners just ready to be spliced into trailers.

Resurrection is a confused mess. So was Alien³, you might argue, but at least those guys were trying. In this last installment, there’s nary a scene that can’t be shrugged off with another “whatever” – you actually have a feeling some actors gave up before the audience did. If there ever was a movie that validated the whole concept of a reboot… this must be it.