Zack Snyder's Justice League

Zack Snyder's Justice League ½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

1) it cannot be reiterated enough how much i do not like zack snyders superheroes. if i ever saw my child watching one of his movies i would beat them. he has the most surface level understanding of these characters possible and somehow convinced a sector of the internet he was a genius because he incoherently rambles about mythology and the zeitgeist in his interviews. ive watched and listened to him speak for hours on end over the years and his entire ethos is broken down to "this is badass"!

2) i am a giant wonder woman fan. he made the woman mass murder a group of criminals in front of school children and then clash her bracelets to blow up the first floor of a building for the fuck of it. but hey, it looked cool! badass! and no, you silly ratfuck, she does not mindlessly kill people weaker than her and posting as many out of context comic panels that you never read (just like zack!) doesn't change that fact. but what the hell would i know, i've only read every single one of her issues from the last 35 years!

and then on top of this, i have to justify why one of the most optimistic and naïve characters in the DC universe chose to not utilize her power and help humanity for an entire century despite existing the entire time! where the hell was diana during the rise of the third reich? who knows. probably crying on a farm over some good dick she got decades ago. boy oh boy do i wish i could slang like that! but its whatever. im glad a man was the one portrayed as showing that she was in the wrong and helping her see the light, finally realizing that saving people is actually good!

3) clark. hes just a guy that punches stuff in his 15 minutes of screentime as superman while not even interacting with the league. but let's not worry. supes will get his chance to be the beacon of hope he was touted to be! he's not superman yet! just wait until the next movie (like we said in mos ... and then bvs ... and now jl)! remember way back when when i used to defend clark's lack of lines in BvS, claiming it was because snyder was conscientiously trying to strip him of his voice to emulate what the world was doing to him? turns out that's not true at all! zack just thought batman was cooler!

and boss himself couldn't crack a big issue that people swore would be rectified in his version: the league is useless with supes involvement. and just like in the TC, they intentionally removed clark from a good portion of the final battle so they could have an excuse for longer action pieces before he came and deux ex machina'd everything! no wonder zack wanted alternate reality plotlines for half of his original JL plan where he was evil. he couldn't figure out what to do with him as an actual bona-fide leaguer!

and for the life of me what the hell are these characters talking about with their hard-on for superman. these movies have given no actual reason for us to believe that clark is inspiring to these leaguers. clark just saves people and dips. he has never interacted with the public in any meaningful way throughout his entire tenure. he's literally just some guy. none of these characters are likable.

never has a man failed so often yet consistently been rewarded for it like zack. and i'm supposed to feel inspired because "he got his film back" despite not having a single film that was both a critical and financial success since 300. there is no female or black filmmaker alive that could replicate the opportunities that this man has been given if they produced the same results. please fuck off with the "artistic freedom" shit like he hasn't been given more than enough leeway his entire career.

the only reason its not 0 stars is because i have an unhealthy obsession with gal and enjoy looking at her bone structure. 1/2 stars out of 5. have a great afternoon!

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