I like cats, coffee, waffles, long walks on the beach, but not the bees. NOT THE BEES.

Favorite films

  • The Fly
  • Re-Animator
  • Demons
  • The Lords of Salem

Recent activity

  • Patrick


  • The Loved Ones


  • Long Weekend

  • I'm No Longer Here


Recent reviews

  • Patrick



    The titular Patrick is a bug-eyed fruit loop who kills his mother with an electric heater in the bath and puts himself in some kind of weird eyes-wide-open coma to boot. It's not all bad though. In the three years he's unconscious, he develops pretty much omnipotent psychokinesis and uses it to... torment a young nurse played by Susan Penhaligon.

    This was written by Everett de Roche as his second screenplay after the equally boring Long Weekend (about which he…

  • The Loved Ones

    The Loved Ones


    I tried to watch this in 2009 and bailed out after about 30 minutes of increasing irritation. Given how many people rave about it and say it's worth sticking with, I thought maybe I'd made a mistake. Maybe it was actually watchable? It's not. It's really. I stuck it all the way to the end this time and it went from one of many films I disliked to a film I actively, violently hated.

    I know it's a waste of…

Popular reviews

  • Lords of Chaos

    Lords of Chaos

    I have Thoughts. With a capital T. So this is going to be a long post. Sorry.

    I guess I should start by putting this into context because I suspect most people are probably going to find this film perfectly enjoyable and wonder why I'm being so joyless. I admit I'm basically the butthurt fanboy of black metal. All those nerds moaning about Star Wars or Ghostbusters and ruined childhoods. That's me here, sure. I admit it. But I'm at…

  • Lust, Caution

    Lust, Caution


    I watch a lot of movies that feel so messy and out of control I just think "who is this for? Does even the director understand what they're doing?" and it's refreshing to feel, from the very start, that you're in the hands of someone who truly knows what they're doing. Lust, Caution is exquisitely made; not just in terms of its lavish production values but in every sense. It's cinema that knows just the right balance between opulent movie…