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  • Cats

    Cats

    ★★★

    saw this the way God and Tom Hooper (those ancient enemies) intended: after work, in a $2 theater, with a splitting headache, a chocolate bar smuggled under my coat, and my brain turned completely off

  • No Way Out

    No Way Out

    ★★★

    no one:

    absolutely no one:

    not a single person, in the entire history of the world:

    Kevin Costner: I eat bugs off the windshield

  • Notorious

    Notorious

    ★★★★★

    I've watched this film dozens and dozens of times for the last 20 plus years, and it still keeps me on the edge of my seat, and there are still details that surprise me

  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★★★½

    putting Chris Evans in a Christopher Reeve Deathtrap sweater but not giving him a Christopher Reeve Deathtrap gay twist? I like you Rian but you're going to jail

  • Bombshell

    Bombshell

    ★★½

    rating this higher than most of my friends, but then I love Actresses and also shirtless Mark Duplass.

    since Kayla and Jess were original characters, there's absolutely no reason that the film couldn't have ended with them making out and leaving together!

    also the end credits almost make it sound like these women were the founders of the #metoo movement, which is bad, because they weren't. the term was actually coined by a black female activist. you know, the kind of person many of these women would demonize on the air. but that's something this movie has no interest in investigating.

  • Joker

    Joker

    ★★

    this movie: Arthur is oppressed!

    also this movie: lmao have some midget jokes

    attempts to give the Joker an origin story, delve into his psychology, or make him sympathetic are rarely successful in my opinion, and the fact that Phillips's film has such a rabid cultlike following, especially among straight men, to the point that people want to visit the "Joker steps," is deeply disturbing to me

    the only "relatable" part is when Arthur tries to be Justin Theroux--same

  • Batman: The Killing Joke

    Batman: The Killing Joke

    maybe, and hear me out on this, we shouldn't let the man responsible for Joker/Harley Quinn create more comic book (or comic book movie) couples

  • Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

    Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

    ★½

    Steven Spielberg: hey George, it seems people thought a lot of the aliens in your last movie were ethnic stereotypes. to tell the truth, I personally found one pretty anti-Semitic.....

    George Lucas: it's okay, I'm downgrading them all to cameos in the sequel

    SS: oh well that's better I g—

    GL: and I'm giving Watto a little hat

    SS: Geo—

    GL: just a nice little black hat. not Jewish at all.

  • Batman: Under the Red Hood

    Batman: Under the Red Hood

    ★★★½

    sometimes I did not understand what was happening but Jason made me cry and Bruce Greenwood's voice made me hot and bothered so it's a yes from me!

  • Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

    Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

    ★★½

    so much creativity, of a kind that the latest installment of the series could really use. but so many ethnic stereotypes too! generally, not enough Ewan McGregor

  • Three Thousand Years of Longing

    Three Thousand Years of Longing

    can't believe this is real......George Miller how did you gain access to my fever dreams

  • Rocketman

    Rocketman

    ★★★★

    Bernie: I'm straight

    also Bernie: let's run away together Elton