Favorite films

Recent reviews

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  Metal Lords 2022

  Watched 21 Apr 2022 3

  Black Sabbath does for this film what David Benioff thinks he's doing for "Metal Music". The film is a turd, but when you hear the beginning of War Pigs by those pesky lads from Birmingham, your ears prick up and you start to think... hang on do they have something here? They don't! They don't have shit! They steal and suck from anything with life and give nothing in return.

  I'd like to give Benioff a guitar and pinch him…

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  The Northman 2022

  Watched 20 Apr 2022

  Nice try idiot. Was how I thought I’d start this review, but it’s not respectful and I shouldn’t say that. According to current criticism guidelines I must give a shiny coin to directors attempting “historical accuracy” even if it’s detrimental to the story and a refuge for the humourless. I’m not saying Robert Eggers isn’t funny (I am saying that), but I fear he acts in a calculated manner that spoils even the good stuff, such as viking quidditch and viking fart. Also how historically accurate can a movie be if it has Bjork in it as no-eyes the oracle bird.

Popular reviews

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  My Octopus Teacher 2020

  ★★ Watched 11 Oct 2020 3

  Me Octopus Student. Makes more sense because this is entirely about the man and nothing to do with the octopus. Even though we SEE a lot of octopus, she is uncredited and unnamed. Bechdel Test failed. She's got more in common with a stalked 90s love interest. The manic-pixie-dream-cephalopod has no agency, no say in her portrayal, just a carrot on a stick for your Dad's golf buddy who just splooged his retirement fund on an underwater camera and a…

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  Everything Everywhere All at Once 2022

  Watched 19 Jun 2022 6

  Be kind. So true. I shall first be kind to all by saying I care about people more than I do about movies. If you like this movie, I like you. If you believe that you'll believe anything! Now I'm off to Hater Island where the weather is awful and the people are tiresome. Join me, won't you!

  The emotional and philosophical core of this film is a googly-eyed Live Love Laugh pillow owned by someone who says “awesomesauce” in…