Spider-Man: Homecoming ★½

For a moment, I wanted to go into a bit of detail in what I learnt while watching this - little exposition is often a good thing, but it means so little when driven by generic direction. But then what would be the point of even writing about this film? Holland's performance is very good, there are some surprisingly funny bits of dialogue here and there, but trying to ride only on the charm of the actors will never elevate a film that is quite literally about absolutely nothing.

Still, good god. Damn Graham Carter to hell for conning me into watching this nightmare cinema! Graham is cursed forever. This is only my 2nd Marvel picture and Doctor Strange looks like the greatest goddamn movie of all time compared to how incompetently directed this is. Kurt noted that the sequences of Keaton's devastatingly poorly written villain played out as though a Saturday Night Live parody (and not intentionally!) while save for the impressive sense of scale on whatever American monument that was, the cutting and geography of the films action sequences are devoid of any coherency - do not watch this in 3D! I feel an ulcer coming on, seeing the innovative potential of the stereoscopic format be reduced to visual vomit - particularly the monstrosity of the films final set-piece, one of the ugliest things I have seen in recent history. And the CGI is a leap backwards from like, 2004 - Spidey has no sense of weight, he's as light as a feather. This makes him seem virtually invincible, one never gets the sense that he's in danger. But, yeah, damn. This is pretty bad.

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