• Halloween II

    Halloween II

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    If Zombie’s first Halloween is “tantamount to a snuff film”, then Halloween 2 is a black hole from which no light will ever escape again. Halloween 2 is a fucking relentless portrayal of how trauma devours you alive from the inside-out. A psychotic vivisection of mind, body, and soul, even time itself, until all that’s left is torn skin like an ill-fitting Halloween mask and bones broken like the American family. 

    Starting immediately where the last Halloween movie ended, we watch as Laurie,…

  • A History of Violence

    A History of Violence

    ★★★★

    Does David Cronenberg think it’s hot to make Viggo play a man roleplaying another man. I mean, who wouldn’t, but that’s beside the point.

    A History Of Violence really is, to paraphrase Gretchen Felker-Martin, "the 'Watchmen' of 'average family man kills home invaders in heroic self-defense' movies”. The All-American Manhood of Murder with its jaw ripped open by a bullet, nose caved in, eye gouged out with barbed wire. Like Eastern Promises it’s a Viggo-Cronenberg crime flick with David’s flair for body…

  • Querelle

    Querelle

    ★★★★★

    Oh Neptune, the boys are fighting 🥵 no stop haha don’t bring a cock to a knife-fight someone could get hurt 🥵 haha noooo don’t penetrate each other that’s gay 🥵

    Never before have I seen a movie so deftly capture the homoeroticism and homoantagonism at the heart of relationships between ostensibly straight men. Heterosexual masculinity is a ritual performed on the altar of another man’s prick. It ain’t fruity, it’s just business, be that cucking, crime, cruelty, or the…

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★★★★

    The original Halloween is “iconic but flat,” as aptly described by a friend. Rob Zombie’s Halloween is everything but flat, and certainly iconic for it. Sans the untouchably iconic score and masks reused from the 1978 original, Zombie subtly, and as subtly as a skull bashed into a wall, subverts the elements of the original to create something bolder, meaner, sleazier, and, oddly, more tender.

    Zombie largely swaps the suburbs of the original for working class neighborhoods, for broken homes and the carcasses…

  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road

    ★★★★

    We Are Not Things. “You cannot own a human being. Sooner or later someone pushes back.”

    Our babies will not be warlords. Our babies will not be soldiers and servants and grease for the wheels of this great evil fucking engine of death. Our children will not be fuel for the war rig of this evil country as it barrels headlong towards the borders of this burning earth. We will not be immolated in the inferno of the old world or…

  • Anguish

    Anguish

    ★★★★½

    Mass Shooter Sissy Hypno, fractionalized like the friendship between a boy and his mother, like the jagged staccato of sudden violence, like the razor-thin, flimsy membrane between realities. I don’t quite know how to write in any kind of depth about this movie yet but I really loved it and want to talk about it more when I can find something cohesive to say.

    Norman Bates’ Weekend At Byrgenwerth ASMR

  • Burial Ground

    Burial Ground

    They 3D printed a little Oedipal Italian Frankie Muniz and made him play a 10 year old who tears off his mother’s tit with his teeth. This was, maybe, the most coherent arc of the movie, but that bar is deep in the crypt with the shockingly well-designed zombies. It’s not a good movie, but it’s a lot of fun to watch with friends, like a bad anime dub with a hack pornographer’s approach to plot.

    Speaking of porn, the director has made one, and I really want to see whatever that ended up like.

  • Greener Grass

    Greener Grass

    ★★★★

    It’s kind of like if Lanthimos directed Dogtooth with the set designer of Mike Myers The Cat In The Hat. 

    It’s kind of like if John Waters directed Airbud

    It’s kind of like the ambient drone behind the dying, frantic eyes of a suburban housewife and the stock photo of a man trying to sell her expensive home kitsch in an infomercial. 

    It’s kind of like the saturation knob in your brain getting jacked all the way up after getting beamed in the braces by a soccer ball.

    Greener Grass is like a lot of things and nothing else. I loved it.

  • Batman Returns

    Batman Returns

    ★★★★

    Sure it has its flaws but the production design and vibes are nigh-immaculate. Christmas gothic camp like a thick blanket of snow over the deco-brutalist urban sprawl punctuated with pink neon, black latex, shimmering aqua, and carnival reds. It’d all be a bit heterosexual for me but that’s part of the charm in a gothic romance as performed by very horny people who don’t fuck and wouldn’t know how if you put a gun to their head. It feels oddly…

  • Punishment Park

    Punishment Park

    ★★★★★

    Punishment Park is a tulpa of the 1970s in celluloid fried by the sun and the searing brutality of the state. A viscerally uncompromising portrait of the rabid American animal’s craven fetish for punishment and racialized violence. Bleak like an eclipse burned into and beaten against the brick of the human spirit with an edit like a fucking knife dragged slow up your gut until it rubs against the bullet the pigs shot in your skull. Genuinely and realistically horrifying in…

  • Mad God

    Mad God

    ★★★★★

    Get Tippet Studio collaborating on a Bloodborne style game with FromSoft fucking immediately. I’d love to see what their approaches to decay and the collapse of ages would birth in a pool of its own shit and afterbirth.

    Original review: boxd.it/2Bj6jZ

  • Violence Voyager

    Violence Voyager

    ★★★½

    A cheesy family-friendly anime about schoolboys going on an adventure mutilated and mutated into something deeply unsettling. If one were to step on it and hear it squelch beneath your shoe, one would be frightened to scrape it off given what monstrosity will stare back at you from the pavement. And all this horror so lovingly handcrafted in intricately detailed paper dolls that puke, seep, bubble, and bleed real, 3D fluids. It blends the silly, the lurid, the artistically beautiful,…