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  • The Man Who Saves The World

    The Man Who Saves The World

    I've been walking around for 4 days now with this movie in my head. I can't get it out and I can't stop thinking about it. This is my first foray into Turkish cinema so I'm going to describe watching this movie as a singular experience but maybe it isn't? Maybe there are a bunch of Turkish films like this, that is, aiming for the stars without the infrastructure to actually get there but we all know that with tight…

  • Alias: Batman and Robin

    Alias: Batman and Robin

    A handsome high school boy named Kevin just LOVES comic books. Batman & Robin specifically. Unlike most people, however, he's obsessed with Robin. He thinks Robin is the best and there's just not superhero better than Robin. His weird friend likes The Joker and they argue about it. Then Kevin gets jumped by some bullies or something and his creepy friend doesn't do anything about it. Then one night while the creepy friend is making some fried rice and babbling on…

  • A Talking Pony!?!

    A Talking Pony!?!

    A Talking Pony!?! aka A Pony Tale was my official November 1st palette cleanser. After a month of mainlining horror (just a little more than I normally do) it was nice to watch something family friendly and wholesome...and still weird as fuck.

    The cast consists of 6 people and a horse and the horse was surprisingly voiced by Johnny Whitaker, NOT Eric Roberts. The rest of the characters play out like this. We have a teenage girl who the horse…

  • Deep Undead

    Deep Undead

    Deep Undead started life back in '99/00 and was finished for the first time around in 2004. It was the last movie to come from Sharkey Video, the W.A.V.E. offshoot run by Dave Castiglione and Dawn Murphy. It's not my favorite Sharkey title, that would probably be Backwoods Marcy, but it is a really interesting movie in that there's a lot of underwater photography. Now, Dave happens to be what's known as a Quadruple Threat in the entertainment industry. That…

  • Kill Them and Eat Them

    Kill Them and Eat Them

    Kill Them and Eat Them happens to be one of the greatest titles ever and I've been struggling to decide if I like this one better than Flesh Freaks. Flesh Freaks had that youthful energy of some kid's first feature mixed with vacation location footage and lots of gore. This one makes a little more sense and the plot is easier to follow and it has amazing mutants in adorable masks. I DON'T KNOW!

    I guess I can love them…

  • Flesh Freaks

    Flesh Freaks

    When you're an 18 year old monster kid and you go with your parents to Belize for an archaeological dig you'd be crazy not to bring a camera and take advantage of the bugs and the jungle and the skulls and the Mayan artifacts. Conall Pendergast might be crazy (but the good kind of crazy) but he's not crazy enough to waste such an opportunity and thank god he didn't. This movie is pure, unadulterated, ridiculous fun.

    I don't know…

  • Killer Bash

    Killer Bash

    I love these Canadian horror movies DeCoteau made in the 2000's. The Canadian accents always give it away. This one is a fun supernatural, college campus-set revenge movie. It's not a Rapid Heart flick but that doesn't stop him from filling this with as many hot college guys in the underwear as possible.

  • 666: Teen Warlock

    666: Teen Warlock

    This 33 minute short is apparently a pilot for an anthology show called Tales From The Grindhouse that I guess never went anywhere. I really like the format of a Rapid Heart-type series of half hour DeCoteau stories. I wish there were more.

    In this one, a hot guy finds out he's going to become a warlock when he turns 18 WHICH HAPPENS TO BE TOMORROW. Then he gets his powers and he and his buddy fight a demon named Kevin by running around a mansion, Scooby Doo-style. Everything happens really fast. It's like a 1313 movie without all the chest rubbing and working out.

  • 666: Kreepy Kerry

    666: Kreepy Kerry

    The final 1313 movie was released in 2012 but two years later Diamond Dave DeCoteau was still at it, albeit in a different California mansion. I'll never stop being endlessly entertained by the premises he comes up with to put some hot guys in a house and watch them wander around in their underwear. This one seems like it should have been light on plot because almost nothing happens in the first half hour outside of some writhing on the…

  • Bride of the Werewolf

    Bride of the Werewolf

    Is that the Spanish countryside? No it's some Central Pennsylvania woods. Is that Naschy off in the distance with a crossbow? No it most definitely is not. But that's ok because I can think of nothing better than for Mark to show off his love for Naschy movies by pitting a mummy against a werewolf in Ken Van Sant's house. I didn't know what a Polonia Brothers werewolf movie would be like but this wasn't it. It felt very natural…

  • Halloween Horrors

    Halloween Horrors

    Those early W.A.V.E./I.D.S. flicks all have a certain aura about them. An aura that manages to constantly fascinate me even though nothing all that interesting is actually happening. This is just an excuse to put two girls into typical W.A.V.E. situations: put her in a noose, put her in the racks, stick her in a coffin, and so on and so forth. It's kinda Halloweeny though in that it supposedly happens on Halloween and some people are in really weird costumes.

  • Scalps

    Scalps

    This movie transcends brilliance and just hits that sweet spot right between "holy shit" and "this is perfect". Fred said he had to figure out a way to make the cheapest movie possible so he wrote a script based around 6 kids, a station wagon, and a tent and he basically succeeded. I was really into the way this movie looked but I was even more into the way it sounded. That fucking synth score NEVER LETS UP. It's dark and foreboding AT ALL TIMES and gives the movie this menacing atmosphere that dark desert scalpings alone could not have mustered up.