Nine Lives’s review published on Letterboxd:
I blame The Slumber Party Massacre because seeing Sylvester Stallone on a cover of a PlayGirl magazine made me damn curious to watch this and I had lots of fond memories watching Rambo and Rocky when I was a little critter. My dad was crazy though for letting me watch violent movies but trust me, I grew up fine. (ok that was a joke)
Well hello there Marion "Cobra" Cobretti the tough, health-conscious badass cop who takes no nonsense dealing with psycho killers. I get the match chewin' tho, smoking is bad for your lungs. He's a real sweetie reminding his junk food lovin' buddy Gonzales (Reni Santoni) to eat fish and rice because unhealthy food according to him makes you violent. Cobra's cool and composed and Stallone never looked better. (ok I'm convinced now and the cold pizza cutting scene was just wow. Talk about cutting calories!)
The characters were ok, Ingrid (Brigitte Nielsen) the ketchup fiend babe (girl! those fries I want them and shit I'm hungry again!) although she's kinda helpless, she's swift as a mouse and has always managed to escape from this nasty villain Night Slasher - the leader of the cult they call "New World" they're preying on women and the weak? His angry face tho lol it was menacing and makes me laugh going through all the trouble just to catch her. And those two detectives Monte (I forgot the other one) - they're good at being pricks and it was nice to see Cobra kicked their sorry asses in the end. Ok "No hard feelings" haha
This action-packed movie fluctuated my testosterone levels (wait I'm hormonal darn it and I'm a woman!) those Ray-Ban shades, the soundtrack, the look and feel of the '80s. Cobra's beachfront apartment, his car, the hot pursuit car chase, gunplay and yeah awesome kills too! The dialogues are cringey at times but it's fun to watch these dudes blabbering their cheesy lines before and during the duel. I mean this movie was alright, pig.