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  • Spider-Man: Far from Home

    Spider-Man: Far from Home

    ★★★

    Better than Homecoming in every aspect. Please stop taking the twist scene seriously, it's a parody.

    My only problem is that by the end Spiderman becomes a girl kisser, so going forward I'm no longer gonna be able to relate to him as a character.

  • Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    ★★

    the gonorrhea joke did more burst damage to me in 1 second than the last 20 years of me smoking cigarettes

    the doctors gave me 3 weeks, thanks marvel

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  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ½

    Never have I seen a movie so immediately and bluntly let you know that the people who made it are idiots: in the beginning of the movie they make fun of the "emo-Peter Parker" stuff in Spiderman 3 not realizing that it was intentionally funny, not to mention far more inventive and funny than anything in their own movie. Truly embarrassing. The cherry on top being that they did this via the tired "we don't talk about that anymore" joke…

  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A safe, sloppy, contrived mess with a downright un-Christian running time featuring the cringiest scenes in recent memory.

    Hey GAMERS and people aware of GAMERS, you're gonna be in stitches when Thor and his buddies are playing Fortnite and Thor gets on the mic and tells (I shit you not) "NoobMaster69" that he's gonna go to his mother's basement and beat him up!

    Hey WOMEN, we love FEMINISM! We got you REPRESENTED with this 1 shot in the final battle…