“I like Kools. Minty flavor.”
Recording everything I watch starting May 2021. 
I stand by absolutely none of my reviews.

Favorite films

  • Throne of Blood
  • To Live and Die in L.A.
  • Crimson Tide
  • The Grand Budapest Hotel

Recent activity

  • Evil Dead


  • As Above, So Below


  • The Ritual


  • From Beyond


Recent reviews

  • Evil Dead

    Evil Dead


    Feast on this, motherfucker.

    Was excited for this one because I’ve heard it’s had a bit of a reclamation recently. I think it succeeds in its ultimate goal of being gnarly as hell (the sound effects that precede the reveal in the bathroom sequence are truly upsetting), but falls short in just about every other way. The acting is Not Good, and not in a fun campy way, every shot that doesn’t involve someone getting massacred looks bland, and you…

  • As Above, So Below

    As Above, So Below


    “‘And they shall be made to crawl on their bellies to enter the kingdom of darkness…’”
    “Yeah, that occurred to me too.”

    Wow, I really, really enjoyed this. Certainly part of that is the low expectations I have for found-footage horror, but still… Such fun! The puzzles and riddles and MacGuffin give it sort of a “National Treasure meets James Wan” vibe that felt unique in horror (if anyone has any other examples please share). There are fantastic, unsettling visuals throughout…

Popular reviews

  • Babylon



    "Thanks for that."


    Babylon, Or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The Death of Cinema. God bless Damien Chazelle for holding Boogie Nights in one hand and Singin' In The Rain in the other and going "now KISS." It's not a love letter to cinema so much as it is a a three-hour-long suicide note for cinema. But Chazelle's opus also hints that—even if the current form of the medium is in its death throes—there's still hope…

  • Top Gun: Maverick

    Top Gun: Maverick


    “Where am I?”

    I am a massive, massive fan of the original Top Gun. I was confident the sequel would be a fun trip down Nostalgia Lane, but I wasn’t sure it would be a certifiably excellent action movie in its own right. But it is! It genuinely outdoes the original. Shame on me for doubting Cruise.

    Maverick has everything you want it to have: astonishing aerial camera work, fun nods to the original, solid supporting performances, a lot of laughs,…