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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★

    Solidly middle-of-the-road actioner with some fun visuals that's marred by some of the hackiest writing I've seen outside of freshmen level screenwriting classes.

    PROS:
    -Looks like how a weird Cosmic Marvel movie should be, right down to have Ego The Living Planet and Uatu the Watcher in it.

    -Michael Rooker actually gets to shine in this, reminding everyone he's actually a really solid character actor.

    -Rocket Racoon, the true hero of these films, gets some great stuff to do this…

  • Officer Downe

    Officer Downe

    Tries real hard to be CRANK but isn't even close. Most DTV movies are dimly lit but this was like, overly lit, to the point where some scenes are just basically a light shining in your eyes. And then some scenes are super muddy for no reason. Tries to be a sort of incoherent OTT action film (going with the CRANK comparison) but it doesn't even succeed in that.

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  • Snow White and the Huntsman

    Snow White and the Huntsman

    ★★★½

    As stunning-but-lifeless as the corpse of a pageant queen, SW&TH attempts to add some edge to a classic fairy tale. Unfortunately, everyone involved in the creation of the film seemed to mistake sex and violence for maturity, and even in doing so wholeheartedly failed at one half of that equation, creating a relatively sexless (but fun) fantasy romp.

    The idea of turning Snow White into a low fantasy seems to make sense, what with the world currently in the thrall…

  • Star Wars

    Star Wars

    ★★★★

    the citizen kane of movies about wars amongst the stars.