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  • Mother!

    Mother!

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Me at the start of mother!: huh, fire and rebirth, that's an interesting theme Darren where's this goi-

    J. Law: I want this place to be a paradise!

    Me: oh, like Eden that's co-

    *Two brothers show up fighting over an inheritance*

    Me: wait

    *one brother kills the other*

    Me: WAIT

    *that brother gets a bloody mark*

    Me: WAIT WAIT WAIT

    *everything else happens*

    Me: DARREN WHAT.

  • Atomic Blonde

    Atomic Blonde

    ★★★★★

    Look, I know I'm a sucker for a Very Specific Type Of Film, but there hasn't been a movie in quite some time that made me grin from ear to ear as early and as often as this one. 

    In the parlance of our time, it's Pure Ownage and Not To Be Fucking Missed.

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  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★★

    Does for porch swings, sledgehammers, wheelchairs, gas stations, BBQ, aprons, ice chests, chainsaws, bones, flashlights, Texans, and broom handles what Psycho did for showers.

  • Snow White and the Huntsman

    Snow White and the Huntsman

    ★★★½

    As stunning-but-lifeless as the corpse of a pageant queen, SW&TH attempts to add some edge to a classic fairy tale. Unfortunately, everyone involved in the creation of the film seemed to mistake sex and violence for maturity, and even in doing so wholeheartedly failed at one half of that equation, creating a relatively sexless (but fun) fantasy romp.

    The idea of turning Snow White into a low fantasy seems to make sense, what with the world currently in the thrall…